This frickin' makes me laugh...thang...oh, you speakin' ebronics!

Holy, Crap!!! Where am I????

Whoah, I am blogging...it's been forever...

Here is a pic of Booger, my newest addition...isn't he darling, all scratching his fleas...


Tyson is still the loveable chub-bug...and Jinxy is still sassy as ever...

Jason Castro is MY American Idol...

Did you Miss Me????

That Tyson...what a dork...like, oh my god! Doesn't he know that Hello Kitty is soooooo yesterday...








I have a new love this year...it is called instant oatmeal...







God save this queen....







Napoleon, gimme some of your tots!









Six blocks from home...


Yay. I rode in this car in San Diego...What a whale of a good time...


and someone said I was a bad photog...

Random New Photos

I have taken some time away from blogging, as you know...but since all my fans out there are beating down my door asking about my big comeback, here are some random photos.

Tired, there, Jess?
I absolutely love this little guy...





If you are on my blog you have made the bigtime...

My new (dirty) car...


Don'tcha love photos you can blackmail with?

Jinx is alive and well, sassy as ever...


Luci and Dave at the Garlic Festival...

Me and my hero at the Garlic Festival...you want fries with that shake?

This man scares me.

I slipped and landed on a cigar in DC...

I just returned from a fun-filled trip to Washington DC...Here's the hotel I stayed in, I trying to not look all broky-broke in this joint!
Nathan's, in Georgetown, a restaurant where I ate breakfast. Supposedly this is where JFK Jr. asked Carolyn Bessette to marry him...how tender...til we found out he was a cheat! fucker.


The White House!
Any former Ford owner should be able to appreciate this photo of some nub in a tie with a broken down Escort.
And right now I do not feel like adding any clever comments, so shut the fuck up and enjoy my photos, bitch.




Mr. President, I'll show you my oval office...

I am Alive!

And pulling a Britney Spears/Jason Alexander on yo asses. Marriage ain't for me...

But get this, I got a rad new job recently, working from home...think Gnomes...think travel...

Other than that, all is good, sorry I gave up on my blog, bitches...

whoah...I disappear from blogger for a few weeks, and I come back, and wow! a new blogger...



Check it out, Spinning Girl revealed her package

Not that package, you sicko......the neato box of lovin'...no, not that box...



BTW....that dumb chick from Charles in Charge and Benson has my name, Melissa Fisher, but goes by Missy Gold...



That whore...

I got an email from someone who thought I was her...this could be fun...

Damnit.

I met Eva Mendez at LAX, and dammnit, my camera was in my cheked suitcase.
She was cute, but shook hands like a 97 year old lady.
How charming.

Foot-Mattress Queen

I own a pink pair of Floatie Sugar Shoes. i bought them a year ago in San Diego. But somehow, I feel like the only person on earth who owns these. They feel like walking on a crib mattress. Airy, cushiony, but heavy as bricks when you walk.

Do any of you wear these, know someone who wears these? Do you love 'em or hate 'em?

Happy New Year!

Sorry about the neglect on this site. I have been lounging and doing not a damn thing for about 11 days. Hopefully you are doing the same.

I'll be back later! oh, and the box of goodies for Spinning Girl is almost completed and will be sent later this week. YAY!

Viva Las Vegas

I started out the first two nights at the Stratosphere. Decent rooms, poor front desk service, and a shitty $35 room service steak dinner that tasted like I cooked it! And they gave me ketchup....for a steak? The nerve!




Then for the two other nights, I stayed at Hard Rock Hotel....Am I in love...the rooms are awesome, and my room service arrived looking delish!





Look! A fully stocked bar,snacks, and sex games and toys...all for sale in the convenience of your own room....




I then was invited to a big work-related shindig....Earth, Wind and Fire performed...I love that song "After the love is gone..."

Is it me, or does this guy totally look like Leonardo DiCaprio?
Nothing like a good headlock from a hottie...
My dear friend Miss M...she has a sense of humor like mine...and I think she kicks ass.

West Coast Chopper Burgers

On my way home from the airport, I stopped by Jesse James' Cisco Burger, next door to West Coast Choppers in Long Beach...and guess who I meet?



Look at what he drives....Sandra Bullock is lucky...he's kinda hot in a skanky kind of way...

Come with me later this week to Sin City...

And we will soon be ready for an inventory of goodies for Spinning Girl's box!

Mr. DeMille, Jinx is ready for his closeup...

he's pissed.



For Miss Spinning Girl....





Fresno....there is nothing else to do but buy my staff pizza- poolside...
what? you want me to jump? dare me....

Here is my gift for Spinning Girl...wasabi...and the Lucky Chess thing-a-ma-jig/...

I thought long and hard...what should I get myself for Christmas? I got a stero system....

Gobble Gobble.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone...

As if I even need to tell you I am having an adventure...

Mmmmmm...Nothing says lovin' like a chicken-fried steak-brick...even better, its one from Denny's....too bad it wasn't my birthday, I coulda gotten it free....wait a sec, I have a per diem...get me some pumpkin pie!





Screw transfat...it's Thanksgiving!



See food...



Since Spinning Girl has a beef with animals in costumes, I tried my damndest to win these two dumbasses in the machine with the claw at Denny's....Five dollars later, I conceeded...

How's this for an adventure? I went to a Vietemese/Koreon/Thai market here in Fresno...
I shutter to think these Crump Sandwiches are edible...and what the hell...who eats preserved duck eggs? Gnarly...
Yummers...how about a nice juicy canned quail egg? Bet the juice tastes delightful...
I did get Spinning Girl a surprise from here, but blogger is acting up and I can't post the photos...its Wasabi for her peanuts, and a nifty Lucky Chess Game...what is that, you ask? I have no idea, I just happen to love regular chess, and I know Spinning Girl likes anything I like cuz she's cool like that...

Well...have some more stuffing...have a little mashed potatos and some cheese sticks and call it a Thanksgiving LBSEAHAG style...

in Fresno.
*sigh*

A Holla Out to Fresno...Yo Yo Yo .

In light of my trip to Fresno for the Holiday, I bring you this...Straight outta the hoodz of Fresno, I bring you Kevin Federline....

insert video here.


I will be back after the holiday with a new adventure for all as we put together the box of goodness to be shipped to Spinning Girl

Newsflash!!!!!!!

I am gonna send something to represent da LBC and the state of California to my idol, Spinning Girl

Come with me, I have six weeks of travel coming up....this should be fun,...


In the words of Lloyd Christmas:

"we're there"



I am gonnna blog this whole experrience



1) need to clip a bit of jinx' fur

2) need to go shopping

3) need to realize I am not the typical LA, so let's get next best! (hhahahhahahah) b

4)fuck you, Amy Campbell!!!!!!!

5)Fuck you Amy Campbell...and my own Amy Campbell, Crissy Rowe...


That whore. Skank...Slut...Trap...Bitch....

Nothing Left For Me To Do But Dance

I have nothing...



Dance amongst yerselves...I have crap coming up after Thanksgiving...

Go eat some turkey and dressing...I'm busy...

Sorry Folks...we're closed....'member dat????

BTW: I thought Skalawag, my parents' cat was bad enough to be put down....he is okay enough to live life til its fullest for another day...pray that Rainbow Bridge people....it works...SKALAWAG prevails!

Women Rock The Vote

I have an aunt...an aunt that rocks the vote..an aunt whom I am very proud of....she met Re-run!!! She was the governor of New Mexico's secretary for years. She met Bill Clinton, Jimmy Carter, and a million other higher-ups...anyone you meet in Santa Fe, they know my Aunt Molly Chavez, she has dedicated her life to support the Democratic cause...


And my great aunt, she was actually in office in New Mexico...way to go, girl!

On a side note, Phil Angelides for Governor!


Hilary, divorce that yutz and run for prez...you get my vote only if you stand alone...

Greetings From Salt Lake City

This place weirds me out...
I am at a travel convention in Salt Lake City, Utah...
I work in the most liberal industry...seeing this guy who impersonates George W. Bush was well worth the fifty bucks...I guess he has been on Larry King and a bunch of other shows...He was hilarious...

What are we having for dinner? Porkchopsh-n-applesaucesh...schwell...

Side note: this stuff gave me the runs...but that is a personal problem...
This looks like a two-headed dog...but it was two dogs...weird...




Having fun,
wish you were here!

I'm A Litte Bit Country...I'm A Little Bit Rock N Roll....

Hello from Salt Lake City, Utah...



I should start a new trend out here...
or try to corrupt someone...or get a tattoo...marry an old dude with ten wives...get drunk...go to temple...go to temple and lie...lie down in temple...lie about going to temple...drink a Shirley Temple...boycott Coca Cola....learn how to speak "Cowboy"...buy a Donny and Marie LP...

Too much fun.

Reason #5,647 I Do Not Cook

Mmm...Let's cook a steak...Oh, gee...I don't know how...I know! I will bake it! With a drizzle of Liquid Smoke for that fresh off the grill flavor!

*sniff* *sniff*
What's that smell? Why is it all cloudy in here?
7 hours later in a 450 degree oven...

I didn't even get a visit from Long Beach Fire Department for this beauty...those slackers...

I wish this day would never end...Costume #3 for this week...For you, Mae, I was attempting a White Witch from Narnia look...and hey, Erica looks like La Llorona! SpOOkY!





And if that wasn't enough excitement for one day, we had an office pizza party...


magical...simply magical...

Boo!

Random Photos

Here ya go...some random photos...
My new friends/coworkers in New Mexico...I am lucky I don't have to pay them to like me!


My new friends love the Lobos. What the hell is a Lobo? Is a Lobo a dog or a poodle?

Trend alert: You are uncool if you do not have a frenchie...I think its a gang...I hear the initiation isn't pretty...


Me being myself....


Have a good weekend, people.

My Saturday in New Mexico...

Well...I am off to San Francisco for the work week, so I am going to take a quick blog break to bring you this...

please enjoy more adventures in The Land of Enchantment...

We start the day at Starbuck's...every day must start with Starbuck's...Violet, I did notice they had blueberry muffins, but I got pumpkin...





Wowzer...Check out Camel Rock...awesome...look at his humps. I said humps. His lovely camel humps.


Next...We went to Chimayo, New Mexico, to the Santuario Catholic Church, a popular place known for its healing dirt...Go google it, I don't know anything more. I attended mass, so leave me alone...


Any church that has a horse that likes me is my kinda place...
Extreme closeup! This dude liked me...



This is one of two rooms in the church that has shrines for people to pay homage to their sick or deceased loved ones...

This is the healing dirt, with a scoop so you can take some home...wonder if it clears acne...
Three random crosses in the church yard.


Next...We went to Abiquiu, New Mexico, a Spanish-grant-owned town in which my paternal great grandmother and aunt and her family lived...while there, we visited the local historian...this place is also the home of the famous artist, Georgia O'Keeffe...


Here is a spooky graveyard, and a few long-lost relatives of mine...

The one with the cross and overturned flowers is actually unmarked...how sad...
Poor Billy Lopez...too bad I didn't get a share of the inheritance. I might have scored a free horse or adobe shack...

The storyteller guy shared his version of La Llorona. A tale that still haunts me from childhood...however, his was a tad different from the one I heard from my maternal side of family...Enjoy!




My version of La Llorona (as told to me years ago by my late uncle Jim):

There was a beautiful woman whom was married to some guy. He adored her beauty, and kissed the ground she walked on. Then they had a baby girl. After the baby was born, the husband's attention drifted to the baby, and soon she was not as important to him. She drowned her baby in the Rio Grande, and then the husband left her. Now at night, she walks along the river crying for her baby, feeling sorry for herself that she can't find her baby so she can win her husband back...


Spooky!

Doogie Howser Invented the Blog....

Welcome to the State of Enchantment...Would you like Red or Green?



The highlight of my visit to Albuquerque...lunch with my parents at Neil Patrick Harris' parents' restaurant, Perennial's...

The anticipation builds as I run towards the door...I am totally in love with Doogie Howser...

Lookie! Doogie's dad is the General Manager. His card is located at the cash register...Ronald G. Harris...Owner,General Manager...*sigh*
Choosing just one item on the menu is tough...its a smorgaboard of tantalizing treats...
I wonder if the rest of these guests ever saw Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle...
MMMMM....a Rueben with sweet potato fries....delish



Meet Mr. and Mrs. Seahag...they are fans of Doogie, too...
Now you know where I got my sense of humor...










And guess who comes over to our table????? Yesirreeee...its Doogie's dad, Ronald!!! He was really awesome, friendly, and told me Doogie lives in Studio City...guess who I wanna stalk when I get back to LA???


My dad flirts with a lady twice his age...probably trying to get free pie...

I love you, Neil Patrick Harris!!!!!!!!

Life Really Does Exist in New Mexico!

This place is a bore...And home of the worst drivers on earth...I will be back in a few days with some fun photos...

Guess where we are going this week, kids?

A little city called Albuquerque...stay tuned for a new adventure in the Enchantment State...

New Mexican food is a lot different from the rough Mexican food you get here in Cali...how enchanting...

And...LBSEAHAG's parents might make a cameo on my blog, since they are driving down from Denver for the weekend to see me there!

Say goodbye to this...my favorite food (besides White Castle)

Hello, New Mexico!